Anna Caring For Carcinoid

2010-11-07T13:09:00.000-08:00

For a moment, the butterfly rests his spotted wing

on her tanned shoulder.

Joining the gardened realm of rapture

of the lilacs, the lilies,

the sunflowers, and she

Reaches deep into her shorts pocket,

Retrieves a single seed, a sunflower, one day.

But for now, a speck on her calloused palm.

Layer, by layer, her soil-stained hands craft his place

for growing, for grandeur.

One day, to be

the tallest of them all

2009-05-14T09:20:00.000-07:00

When will there be enough time
to satisfy a mother’s love,
her requests, her questions for me,
to listen, succeed ,and trust
in her hope for
the beautiful future of the family?

There are twelve in my family.
Our emotions mingle in shouts and whispers over time.
They are woven into an extraordinary tie of fellowship for
together we are a sonorous harmony of love.
I lived with this harmony, me
a single note in the complex symphony of trust.

My nine siblings are full of compassion, wisdom, and trust.
No matter the dissonance, we are a family.
But I began to wonder why my mom was so tired, Mom, please comfort me.
Don’t be tired, I will do my best every time.
Please just speak with the candor of love
and I will listen intently for

beyond the cancerous cough there is infinite wisdom. Nearly four
years since I thought the symphony of trust
could lose its conductor, a searing of solidarity and love.
My mother’s words echoed in my ears as each member of my family
played their instrument, but the music notes jumbled upon me.
I lost my rhythm, and time

escaped me. I wept because I thought time
was tantalizing me. I would play faster to see him waiting for
me to stumble and play a note to sharp because I had lost trust
in my once invincible mother who made such an extraordinary family.
But my mother still stands upon the podium, strong and bold, waving her arms and love,

unaffected by cancer, keeping rhythm, evaporating dissonance with love.
I heed her every guidance and time
does not taunt the music made by my family.
I will not wait for
fear to swallow me.
But hold my trust

in my family untouched by the worries time
may hold. For the strength of love
and trust will sing the music for me.

2008-04-29T08:34:00.000-07:00

My SAT review book seems to hold all the answers, somewhere in those 889 pages life is unfolded andthe key to success is beheld shining brightly with a freepass to a college of my choice. What else is there to be learned? I have obviously not read all 889 pages or I would not be asking these questions and would also most probably be sleeping. Today as I began to read through “The Official SAT study guide”, or more accurately stared at a few pages and fell asleep, my Mom called from the outer banks. She and my dad drove down last night after much deliberation, not wanting to leave me at home by myself. After reassurance from my dad, Jesse, and me they drove away in the excursion just as the sun began to set. I assumed Mom would be cleaning the house all day, with the hope in mind that she could have the opportunity to go swimming and also catch a glimpse of the beautiful sunset. She called home to reply to my 12 missed calls she received on her cell phone. I asked if she would be home tonight and she replied “ I don’t know, most likely not, Joe has not been swimming very well and I thought your Dad and I would drive up early tomorrow morning to see him swim” “ But Mom isn’t his meet like 6 hours away”“Only about 5, and if we leave early enough we will see his 100 free”. “But why?”. This answer cannot be found in the 889 pages of my sat review book. This answer is the deepest most inestimable love my Mom feels for all of her kids and the sharpest pain she feels when her children are upset. The clean house, the swimming, the sunset can all be left for a 6 hour drive to see Joseph swim a 100 freestyle. This love,this phone call, this is my answer. Succinctly clearing my misgivings of life.

third blog

2007-12-28T08:29:00.000-08:00

time goes by without me
i run,
to catch, to hold
always behind
always thinking
of the future
please wait, stop
i need a moment
to catch my breath
to stop running
to remember
this time
of the present
i cannot stop running
i am afraid
to look behind me
i could trip and fall
would time fall with me?
i turn my eyes
to see my mother
to hear her sing
behind me
i fall
and she carries me
strong and fearless
she walks and sings
in present joy
time stops
to listen
to hear
her music
i wish
to be
so strong

Second Blog- What is life?

2007-05-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

What is life? Why do we live? What is living? These are all questions I ask myself and refuse to answer. How are we living and dying simultaneously. Do we live to die? I want to know these answers but I do not want to find them myself. If only I could ask as a child does when asking their mother why the sky is blue. It seems I cannot hold on to truth. Sometimes I feel I am close, however this truth is inevitable. I want to grasp the sunrays that light the world

Live, dance, love, sing, comfort
These are all words that remind me of my mother. I refuse to think about what my life would be without her as I refuse to answer these questions about life. I want to always hold my mothers hand because it is at that time that I feel I am grasping the sunlight and dancing to life's rhythm, subconsciously knowing why I live but still not having an answer.

First Blog

2007-04-03T16:29:00.000-07:00

I am the yougest girl of the blackwood children and
saturday i was applying for a school and for the
writing question they asked about something
influential we had learned outside of school. i wrote
about when my mom told me she was diagnosed with
carcinoid cancer I was able to realize what was truly
important in life. Little problems were no longer
significant because i realized they not only didnt
matter but they were preventing me from seeing the
good things present in my life. i realized that it was
in the abscense of my mom's good health that i came to
appreciate so much more everything she did for me and
what she is able to do. I found importance in loving
my mom and her presence in my life rather than the
little things that are not important. Despite my
mother being diagnosed with carcinoid she seems as if
she is invincible and takes a positive look at
everything. she is still able to be an awesome mom who
always seem to go the extra mile for her kids and shewill always be my mother and my hero.